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Wow, it has been hard to post anything. Even now it is, but I'm going to just try and see where it goes. Maybe my mind is still recovering from finals, but it just hasn't wanted to work at all all week.
Right in the middle of studying for finals I had one of those, "Why am I even doing this?" moments. It wasn't the first, but the timing could not have been more awful. Studying chemistry for two days straight will do that though. I still don't have an answer to that. I mean, yeah, I'm getting a degree that I can use for a variety of fields. But at the end of the day, I still don't even know what I'm going to do with it. I've had glimpses of what I could do, but none have stuck very long.
I think all I've ever wanted was a clear path, at least that's what I thought I needed. I've wanted to know where I'm going in life, what I'm going to do with my life. I've envied the people that have without a seeable doubt know what they want to do. That was, until the other day. This was a conversation I had with a friend at the university. She said she wished that, and I found myself arguing against it when I thought it was what I wanted too. I had to think about it. Would I rather know the destination ahead of time or would I rather find it along the way? I've always been better at winging it and doing things in the moment, rather than through planning. I don't like structure, I like the unplanned. Would I be happier if my life was a straight shot to an end goal? Probably not. I still feel lost sometimes though.
This is why I need to get away sometime this summer. I need to go somewhere new, attempt to gain a new perspective. I was going to go on a road trip, but my car would never make it and renting one cannot be cheap. My dad brought up the train, though. The train system here in the US isn't the greatest, but I could get a pass for 15 days and just go anywhere. I thought about asking some friends along, but I think I need to take this one alone. I need to know that I can.
Completely different topic related to the same friend though, she is someone I met this semester through another friend and I've grown really fond of her. On one of the final days, we were sitting and studying with our other friend. We became something of a trio this semester. There was hardly a time I was on campus that one or both of them were not with me, laughing at inside jokes and whatnot. We bonded in our hatred of Chemistry and the sexist asshat lab partner we had. I don't even remember how the conversation started, but they've always been amused at my simple notes and my ability to bullshit my way through any test question. That has been one of the main sources of our inside jokes. She said I was like a philosopher. "You can answer the question without actually answering the question or even being completely right, but the teachers still give you credit." Don't know where I'm going with that, but that whole moment is one I want to remember. There were tears coming out of our eyes from the laughter that ensued in the rest of the conversation.
Oh, one last thought. The new Keane CD is amazing. I've had it on repeat since it came out.
Doors will close, no time to start again
Nothing is given, except the ties that hold us together
Lay down your load, because everyday it's gonna grow
And bask in the sunshine, try to pay no mind
Try to pay no mind at all
to all the things you don't know
Right in the middle of studying for finals I had one of those, "Why am I even doing this?" moments. It wasn't the first, but the timing could not have been more awful. Studying chemistry for two days straight will do that though. I still don't have an answer to that. I mean, yeah, I'm getting a degree that I can use for a variety of fields. But at the end of the day, I still don't even know what I'm going to do with it. I've had glimpses of what I could do, but none have stuck very long.
I think all I've ever wanted was a clear path, at least that's what I thought I needed. I've wanted to know where I'm going in life, what I'm going to do with my life. I've envied the people that have without a seeable doubt know what they want to do. That was, until the other day. This was a conversation I had with a friend at the university. She said she wished that, and I found myself arguing against it when I thought it was what I wanted too. I had to think about it. Would I rather know the destination ahead of time or would I rather find it along the way? I've always been better at winging it and doing things in the moment, rather than through planning. I don't like structure, I like the unplanned. Would I be happier if my life was a straight shot to an end goal? Probably not. I still feel lost sometimes though.
This is why I need to get away sometime this summer. I need to go somewhere new, attempt to gain a new perspective. I was going to go on a road trip, but my car would never make it and renting one cannot be cheap. My dad brought up the train, though. The train system here in the US isn't the greatest, but I could get a pass for 15 days and just go anywhere. I thought about asking some friends along, but I think I need to take this one alone. I need to know that I can.
Completely different topic related to the same friend though, she is someone I met this semester through another friend and I've grown really fond of her. On one of the final days, we were sitting and studying with our other friend. We became something of a trio this semester. There was hardly a time I was on campus that one or both of them were not with me, laughing at inside jokes and whatnot. We bonded in our hatred of Chemistry and the sexist asshat lab partner we had. I don't even remember how the conversation started, but they've always been amused at my simple notes and my ability to bullshit my way through any test question. That has been one of the main sources of our inside jokes. She said I was like a philosopher. "You can answer the question without actually answering the question or even being completely right, but the teachers still give you credit." Don't know where I'm going with that, but that whole moment is one I want to remember. There were tears coming out of our eyes from the laughter that ensued in the rest of the conversation.
Oh, one last thought. The new Keane CD is amazing. I've had it on repeat since it came out.
Doors will close, no time to start again
Nothing is given, except the ties that hold us together
Lay down your load, because everyday it's gonna grow
And bask in the sunshine, try to pay no mind
Try to pay no mind at all
to all the things you don't know
