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I both love and dread days such as today.
Part of me is exhausted from jumping from patient to patient, with slight rant sessions to my lab manager in between. The other part of me loves the chaos, loves having to think at a million miles a second and move just as fast. I crave the challenge, but at the same time, I despise the challenge. I think my most comfortable moments are in the chaos -- are when I have seconds to decide what to say and do. Such days leave me exhausted and irritable, however.
The thing is, I'm very happy with myself today, and that's good. I know when I walk into work tomorrow, however, the mood will not be as great. it will be a session of how much the world and work sucks, and not because of me. I understand to an extent, the stress of being a store manager and relying on the competence of others for your livelihood I'm not pretending it is easy, but I'm also not pretending taking it out on one of the people doing what they can do helps in any way. I already know that is what tomorrow will bring, and while I can handle it, it doesn't mean I want to. It doesn't mean I alone can do anything more.
Days such as today follow very easily with whiskey shots with people dear to me, and I'm glad for it. I'm lucky to have the people I do in my life. Who knows why, but I have the people that say the things I need to hear. From random messages online;
Part of me is exhausted from jumping from patient to patient, with slight rant sessions to my lab manager in between. The other part of me loves the chaos, loves having to think at a million miles a second and move just as fast. I crave the challenge, but at the same time, I despise the challenge. I think my most comfortable moments are in the chaos -- are when I have seconds to decide what to say and do. Such days leave me exhausted and irritable, however.
The thing is, I'm very happy with myself today, and that's good. I know when I walk into work tomorrow, however, the mood will not be as great. it will be a session of how much the world and work sucks, and not because of me. I understand to an extent, the stress of being a store manager and relying on the competence of others for your livelihood I'm not pretending it is easy, but I'm also not pretending taking it out on one of the people doing what they can do helps in any way. I already know that is what tomorrow will bring, and while I can handle it, it doesn't mean I want to. It doesn't mean I alone can do anything more.
Days such as today follow very easily with whiskey shots with people dear to me, and I'm glad for it. I'm lucky to have the people I do in my life. Who knows why, but I have the people that say the things I need to hear. From random messages online;
krampus: book your tickets you pussy!
krampus: (3>)
krampus: er.. <3
to the simple question of why today. I told him about how I was afraid of what is come, of leaving work and the country. The simple "Why?" means more than the comfort some try to bring. Rather than temporary good feeling, such a question makes with think and analyze. I need that much more than comforting words. However temporary this is, I'm glad I had it today. I'm glad to have people in my life who understand what I need.
to the simple question of why today. I told him about how I was afraid of what is come, of leaving work and the country. The simple "Why?" means more than the comfort some try to bring. Rather than temporary good feeling, such a question makes with think and analyze. I need that much more than comforting words. However temporary this is, I'm glad I had it today. I'm glad to have people in my life who understand what I need.
