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Eeee! I'm all checked in for my flight. I have my first 3 nights booked. Packing is sort of? done. There's some last minute things to buy tomorrow.
The fear hit me for a few hours. I'm sure it'll be there on the plane tomorrow too, but it's the good kind of fear. It's not the panic kind, it's the fear that comes with knowing I have no idea what the next four and a half months will be. I have no idea where I'm even going to be a week from now, just that it'll be somewhere in Thailand. It scares me, and the thought of it puts the biggest grin on my face. That's how I know this is right. It doesn't matter how nervous I get, this is what I should be doing.
I'm doing this. I'm really doing it. It's not 2 weeks from now, it's not after I finish school, it's not after whatever else got in the way. It's less than 24 hours from now. So many semesters of me dreaming of faraway places and wondering if I would ever get to any of them, and here I am, about to leave. Part of me is still expecting to wake up tomorrow and this is just a dream.
If someone told me five years ago, this is what I would do after I graduated college, I wouldn't have believed it for a second. Me? Backpack through another country? I couldn't even buy gas on my own. I couldn't go to the store alone. People tell me that they're proud of me, and that's good, but more importantly, I'm actually proud of myself. It's been a long time since I've said that.
It feels like Christmas Eve when I was a kid, and not being able to sleep just thinking about all the awesome things that were going to happen the next day.
I wonder how I'm going to feel 4 and a half months from now.
The fear hit me for a few hours. I'm sure it'll be there on the plane tomorrow too, but it's the good kind of fear. It's not the panic kind, it's the fear that comes with knowing I have no idea what the next four and a half months will be. I have no idea where I'm even going to be a week from now, just that it'll be somewhere in Thailand. It scares me, and the thought of it puts the biggest grin on my face. That's how I know this is right. It doesn't matter how nervous I get, this is what I should be doing.
I'm doing this. I'm really doing it. It's not 2 weeks from now, it's not after I finish school, it's not after whatever else got in the way. It's less than 24 hours from now. So many semesters of me dreaming of faraway places and wondering if I would ever get to any of them, and here I am, about to leave. Part of me is still expecting to wake up tomorrow and this is just a dream.
If someone told me five years ago, this is what I would do after I graduated college, I wouldn't have believed it for a second. Me? Backpack through another country? I couldn't even buy gas on my own. I couldn't go to the store alone. People tell me that they're proud of me, and that's good, but more importantly, I'm actually proud of myself. It's been a long time since I've said that.
It feels like Christmas Eve when I was a kid, and not being able to sleep just thinking about all the awesome things that were going to happen the next day.
I wonder how I'm going to feel 4 and a half months from now.
