Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.

[kaia]

I caught up with my Anthropology professor from last semester outside of her office today. I've never been one to go to a teacher's office on any occasion, but she has asked me to stop by for the tutoring and it would be a lie if I didn't miss her this semester already. I speak of her often, but she really has made a difference in my life. It was she who helped to open my mind and opened doors for me that I wasn't quite aware were there. For that, I will always be grateful to her. I am a better human being for having taken the Anthropology classes with her as well as the Sex, Gender, and Power class, and that is so rare to say about a class. She forced me to think and not just regurgitate information back at her, and isn't that was learning should be?

Perhaps it came from the discussion about mortality in one of my classes this morning, and of living life to the fullest. Or perhaps it came because a question like that must eventually come when there is some discontentment in life, but I had a "What am I doing?" moment. That is a question I avoid, because as much as I can hide answers from others I cannot hide answers from myself. So instead, I ignore. I'm amazing at ignoring. There are problems I am fully aware of, yet ignore completely. That question and the answers that follow is one. Being drunk is one of the few times I will acknowledge the existence of such problems, but after an incident of waking up on the dining room floor with the Christmas tree on top of me like a blanket and no recollection of how I ended up there, I have stayed away from my old friend vodka. The thought snuck up on me -- one moment I was blissfully pretending the real world didn't exist and the next I was not so blissfully struck with such a question.

The answer to that question is that I have no idea and there are very few things I hate more in life than not knowing an answer, or being able to bullshit one. I have never been a big planner, but there are things I want to do in life and none of them involve ignoring reality. It isn't even about not knowing what I want to do in life. That will come in time, I have no doubt. Why all my friends are in such a rush and have their entire lives planned out already confuses me. It works for them, but there is no fun in that for me. There is this entire world out there I haven't seen and am making no effort to go outside that comfort zone to see pieces of it. Work, school, home. Those are the three places the very vast majority of my time is spent. I don't want to just hear about places -- I want to see them. I want to experience all the world has to offer. I'm just waiting for the day I stop talking about it and actually do it. And I have to ask myself, "What is stopping you?"

Comments

[devilmaycare.livejournal.com]

"She forced me to think and not just regurgitate information back at her, and isn't that was learning should be?"

Those who can inspire people to start living their life like this are truly gifted people. I wish more folks have met someone like this, I have a feeling the world would be a better place to live in.

[bet3lgeuse.livejournal.com]

Experiences like that make me so excited to graduate from high school and move on to college. I love to learn more than I care to have a career and I cannot wait to be in an environment where such inspired individuals can teach me. Your Anthropology professor sounds like an astounding woman.

[somewhatlacking.livejournal.com]

When you speak of your professor, I'm reminded of another professor that struck me the same way. She truly inspired me and pushed me out of my comfort zone. She made me realize that I'm talented, and that there are so many possibilities for me. I will never forget her, honestly. It's great to come across people like that in life, isn't it?

I know what you mean when you speak of this "What am I doing?" moment.

...except I'm a little different from you: I plan, and I plan...and I plan some more. It makes me feel like I have a path and a purpose and that I'm not lost. (When really, who isn't?) I'm also horrible at ignoring problems, as I'm seriously over-analytical and tend to over-think everything.

But either way, those are interesting questions to ask yourself, "What am I doing?" and "What's stopping me?"

I'm dedicating this year to really investing time to think about things like that, to attempt to answer those questions. I'm a Psychology major, so I fully believe that the more you understand about yourself, the better off you are -- and if you can understand yourself enough to know what's hindering you, and then also what direction you want to go in, nothing can stop you.

[chancetoflyy.livejournal.com]

I am also awesome at ignoring things. Which could be why I just flew through college and didn't really take it as seriously as I should...and look where it got me. Working as a retail manager (something that ANYONE can do) without a hope of a "real" career job in sight :( *sigh* I wish I had had instructors who really made a difference to me. I had one at my first college, but when I went to my second school, I just didn't get that from anyone.

I hope that you can get all the answers you're looking for!

[kayrodes.livejournal.com]

I definitely understand the impact that that professor had on you because I have had that same influence. One of my professors last year made me fall in love with philosophy because it provides a way to really critically analyze the world around you and help find what it is that you're looking for. I'm excited to say that he will probably be one of my professors next fall :). I have grabbed lunch with him a few times this year and he continues to impact me in great ways. Those professors are the most important because they actually care. They want you to succeed, but by your own accord, not just provide all of the answers.

And I completely understand the desire to run away from or ignore problems in every day life. I too have brought myself to a drunken stupor in which I have done some pretty idiotic things. But what's important is that you pick yourself up the next day and keep on truckin!

I definitely am a person that likes to plan, but I also have a desire within me to be completely spontaneous, drop everything, and travel the world on basically nothing in my bank account. I think that once I graduate from college, I will pursue that desire, but I guess we'll see!

O wow, very appropriately, the song "Where Are You Going" by DMB just came on on Pandora haha.

[duskyn.livejournal.com]

They really are. I was so fortunate to have had the chance to meet her and learn from her, and I know I'll carry what she taught with me. I do agree -- the world would be a better place to live in if more people met and appreciated meeting such amazing people.

[duskyn.livejournal.com]

She really is. I went into her class not knowing at all what to expect and she really did astound me. I have met a few other remarkable professors so far, but none quite as unique and inspiring as her.

I hope you meet some like her in college. :D

[duskyn.livejournal.com]

It is wonderful to come across such people, especially when you're not expecting them at all. Her lessons really will stay with me all through my life. I can only hope that I am able to do such a thing for another person one day. I wish that all people were able to meet at least one person like my Anthropology professor and your professor.

There are days I wished I planned. There is a comfort in having a plan. Even if you don't end up going through with it, just knowing that you've planned ahead and have something to towards is enough. That itself might set you on another road entirely, and eventually get you to where you need to go. Ignoring has it's advantages, but there is only so long one can pretend for.

That is a wonderful way to look at it, and I definitely agree that the more you understand about yourself the better off you are. After all, if you don't understand yourself, how can you expect to understand the rest of the world of the people around you?

[duskyn.livejournal.com]

I'm sure one day you'll find a "real" career job. This economy does not make finding any job easy, and having one alone I think is enough. At least you're making money and who knows what the future holds. Maybe something better is right around the corner.

Thanks! I hope I can too. <3 I hope everything works out for you as well!

[duskyn.livejournal.com]

That is wonderful! It is always great when you get to take another class with a professor like that. I'm hoping this summer mine is teaching her Human Sexualities class because I would stick around for the summer to take that one class with her.

Most definitely. As long as you keep moving, you'll eventually get to where you need to go. Even if it is slow, it is still progress.

That would be an amazing dream to pursue. I'm hoping that sometime in the coming months, or perhaps years, that I am able to travel the world and see what there is to see. As much as I like it here, there are so many other places out there in the world just waiting.

[my-lilac-dreams.livejournal.com]

And I have to ask myself, "What is stopping you?"

i wish i had asked myself that a while a go. when i had no real responsibilities stopping me.

[chancetoflyy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[duskyn.livejournal.com]

I should have asked myself long ago, but at least now it is something that is in my mind.