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It all starts here.
There are things I really need to change. Some of those things are becoming more and more apparent as the days go on, and that's good. It means that I can't fall into the normal laziness that'll take over. At times, it feels like I'm back in school with papers and finals I should be doing looming somewhere in the background while I pretend they're not there. Now, it's just things I want to do but somehow don't "have the time for."
I am one of those people that need goals. If I don't have goal, I'll just sit around and do whatever. Days like that are great, and I need those once in a while. Let's be real though, I don't need them on EVERY day off. My days off actually leave me more miserable than days at work, at least the normal ones. Last night I drove home with the music blaring and a gorgeous sunset as the background, and I was happy. The night before that I was sitting in my chair, sick to my stomach with all the food and alcohol that had been consumed wondering wtf in life I was doing. Eating WAY too much obviously. Being too full is one of my least favorite feelings, and not the satisfied full you get from eating a really good, filling meal. Oh no, not that full. The one you get if you eat an entire Pizza Hut pizza (though that isn't actually what I ate that day) and want to die because how awful it feels. Yeah, that's the full we're talking about.
Thinking about it yesterday, any of my miserable days are my own doing. Sure, there are certain things out of my control like the healthcare thing, shitty customers coming into work, etc etc, but my worst days are because of the things I'm doing, or not doing.
I could very easily blame my wanderlust and my dreams of elsewhere. I would be lying if they weren't there, but they've always been there. They will always be there. I asked myself last night, "Would you want to be getting on the plane tomorrow?" And the answer is no. Would I like to eventually? Yes, and I know I will. It isn't just a dream, I know it'll happen, but just because it isn't happening right now doesn't mean my current situation is bad. There are things I want to change about myself and things I still need to do before I go on another big adventure. Yeah, life was much easier when my day consisted of wandering through the streets of Istanbul and taking videos of all the crazy birds that inhabit that city, but they memory wouldn't be so special if that was everyday.
I've always been that way though, looking out to and counting on the future to be amazing. I never planned much for it, but it seemed I was always waiting for it.
This is the perfect time in my life to focus entirely on myself and becoming a better person. Being 25 was the biggest year of my entire life, and I seem to forget that. 26 is just starting, and it can be even more amazing. I just have to stop focusing on the negative. I have to stop being complacent about the things about myself and my life I'm not happy about. I'm the only one with the power to change them.
I am one of those people that need goals. If I don't have goal, I'll just sit around and do whatever. Days like that are great, and I need those once in a while. Let's be real though, I don't need them on EVERY day off. My days off actually leave me more miserable than days at work, at least the normal ones. Last night I drove home with the music blaring and a gorgeous sunset as the background, and I was happy. The night before that I was sitting in my chair, sick to my stomach with all the food and alcohol that had been consumed wondering wtf in life I was doing. Eating WAY too much obviously. Being too full is one of my least favorite feelings, and not the satisfied full you get from eating a really good, filling meal. Oh no, not that full. The one you get if you eat an entire Pizza Hut pizza (though that isn't actually what I ate that day) and want to die because how awful it feels. Yeah, that's the full we're talking about.
Thinking about it yesterday, any of my miserable days are my own doing. Sure, there are certain things out of my control like the healthcare thing, shitty customers coming into work, etc etc, but my worst days are because of the things I'm doing, or not doing.
I could very easily blame my wanderlust and my dreams of elsewhere. I would be lying if they weren't there, but they've always been there. They will always be there. I asked myself last night, "Would you want to be getting on the plane tomorrow?" And the answer is no. Would I like to eventually? Yes, and I know I will. It isn't just a dream, I know it'll happen, but just because it isn't happening right now doesn't mean my current situation is bad. There are things I want to change about myself and things I still need to do before I go on another big adventure. Yeah, life was much easier when my day consisted of wandering through the streets of Istanbul and taking videos of all the crazy birds that inhabit that city, but they memory wouldn't be so special if that was everyday.
I've always been that way though, looking out to and counting on the future to be amazing. I never planned much for it, but it seemed I was always waiting for it.
This is the perfect time in my life to focus entirely on myself and becoming a better person. Being 25 was the biggest year of my entire life, and I seem to forget that. 26 is just starting, and it can be even more amazing. I just have to stop focusing on the negative. I have to stop being complacent about the things about myself and my life I'm not happy about. I'm the only one with the power to change them.
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Take some time to get yourself together and figure what you want and then go from there. :)
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That is so true!
I need goals as well, because I'm very good at doing nothing. And since I live alone, I could literally spend all my evenings watching funny cat videos on youtube and eating chips on the couch. No one would have to know!
That's not what I want my days to be like, though. So every once in a while (and more frequently these days) I stop and ask myself what I want out of life and if I'm taking the necessary steps to achieve my goals. Often the steps are tiny baby steps, but they add up in the long run.
I'm half-seriously dreaming of an 1-year around-the-world trip. It's not possible (and I wouldn't even want to go) right now, but what I can do is make decisions that'll make it possible one day. Like putting aside a little money every month for that purpose. Maybe one day I'll go, and if not, then at least I'll have a good amount of money saved up. In any case, I have a life to live and enjoy right now.
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I think that is something I need to start doing. I can get so caught up in the day-to-day that I forget what it's all for. I get frustrated with work, but when I actually stop and think about it I realize I'm doing what I can for now. There are some decisions I have been putting off and putting off, but I'm still paying off those loans and having enough free time to do the things I want. Sure, I'd like to make enough to have all the loans paid off in the next year, but that just isn't happening right now. It doesn't mean they won't get paid off though.
A 1-year around-the-world trip sounds completely amazing. Just 4 months was awesome, but an entire year would be so amazing. I really hope you do get to do it eventually. <3