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I always thought that I would move out of my parents house the moment I was able -- that I'd go off to live in a dorm and never look back. I had a great deal of plans and ideas about the future at one point, but somewhere I stopped making plans. I know I had planned to be long gone from my parent's house at 22, yet here I remain. It is not a bad thing, as it is very convenient currently and has saved me a great deal of money and they've always been relatively good parents. I have never had a curfew or anything similar. I suppose that came from the fact that I was honest with them about what I was doing. Of course I was drinking well before 21, but they knew and they knew I was responsible enough to not get into any serious trouble. I've always been responsible, always. If I made a mistake, I would own up to it and deal with the consequences myself rather than place the blame on everyone around me, which is a stark contrast to my younger sister. She is perfection -- it is the rest of the world that has the problems in her eyes.
My dad has never been anything but supportive. Sometimes I think his faith in me is misplaced, but I think he sees a great deal of himself in me and he is one of those people that could take the entire world on. Or perhaps it is just because he really wants to believe at least one of his daughters turned out well. My mom, on the other hand, I don't think her and I have ever seen eye to eye. She has this tendency to lash out at people when she is frustrated, and that target is more often than not me. She is the one that normally comes out of those exchanges more wounded, as I learned quickly to go straight for those things that would upset her the most, but that doesn't mean I don't walk away with my own wounds. I've just gotten quite good at hiding them.
There are days I want to pack up and just go, disappear and never look back. Stay in contact with my dad, perhaps my aunts, my grandma, a few cousins and my friends of course but leave everything else behind. Anywhere, just some place where walking into a room in my house at the wrong moment doesn't send me wanting to jump on the next train into Chicago, and just disappear there for a while. Though, that is still much too close to home.
On a completely different note, after doing a great deal of thinking after the post on best friends, I got back in contact with Shaun. I'm not sure how it will play out, but it was a great comfort to fall so easily back into the banter we were so well know for -- as if nothing had changed, as if these past few years have been nothing but a few days.
I've said it before as well, but yoga is amazing. All that frustration went away after I got done with my session today and I feel wonderful.
My dad has never been anything but supportive. Sometimes I think his faith in me is misplaced, but I think he sees a great deal of himself in me and he is one of those people that could take the entire world on. Or perhaps it is just because he really wants to believe at least one of his daughters turned out well. My mom, on the other hand, I don't think her and I have ever seen eye to eye. She has this tendency to lash out at people when she is frustrated, and that target is more often than not me. She is the one that normally comes out of those exchanges more wounded, as I learned quickly to go straight for those things that would upset her the most, but that doesn't mean I don't walk away with my own wounds. I've just gotten quite good at hiding them.
There are days I want to pack up and just go, disappear and never look back. Stay in contact with my dad, perhaps my aunts, my grandma, a few cousins and my friends of course but leave everything else behind. Anywhere, just some place where walking into a room in my house at the wrong moment doesn't send me wanting to jump on the next train into Chicago, and just disappear there for a while. Though, that is still much too close to home.
On a completely different note, after doing a great deal of thinking after the post on best friends, I got back in contact with Shaun. I'm not sure how it will play out, but it was a great comfort to fall so easily back into the banter we were so well know for -- as if nothing had changed, as if these past few years have been nothing but a few days.
I've said it before as well, but yoga is amazing. All that frustration went away after I got done with my session today and I feel wonderful.
