Never let your fear decide your fate.

Truth be told, there was and is a part of myself that didn't ever see myself travelling. It wasn't until recently I started seeing it, started believing it.

It wasn't until I took that first train last summer that I saw even a glimpse of it, despite dreaming about it since I was little. I was scared to go to a city I had been many times before by myself. I was afraid I would get there and be alone, lost, hot, and tired. I was afraid of getting there and finding that I hated it. Of course, I didn't end up hating it. I found the independence I always wished I had was really there all along. (Because going to the movies alone doesn't count!)

Then, something these past few weeks clicked. I don't know what it was. Maybe knowing that I am graduating did something. Maybe knowing that I have no interest whatsoever in jumping into work right after I graduate is doing it.

I did it though. I made the decision. I've told people about it. I'm starting to plan it.

I'm going to go backpacking through Southeast Asia later this year. It is becoming more and more real everyday.

What happened to Peru, you may ask, well, many things. I still want to go to Peru, and I will, but this feels right. When I sit down and start planning, I may find that change. I'm not ruling anything out yet, but I can see this.

I used to dream about backpacking through Europe, through China, through anywhere. The problem was I was always thought it was something that people didn't actually do, or at least not "responsible" people or people as akwardly shy and afraid as I was.  It was always for other people, never me. It is amazing how many things in my life I've always thought were for "other people." Why not me? I used to think that I HAD to go to medical school and get that job as a doctor to be happy. I had to make all that money and happiness would follow. I have no interest in medical school anymore, and haven't for a long time.

And yeah, coming back scares me. I don't know who I'll be, what I'll find, or what I'll do. I'll have money saved, but I won't be coming home to a job or an idea of which direction to go next. But if I don't do this now (this year), when will I? I could let it pass me by, or I could go. I could see a part of a the world I haven't, meet amazing people, and have the adventure of a lifetime. Or, I could stay here and be content but always wonder what would have happened if I would have just gotten on that plane.

I can't chicken out of this. I won't let myself, so I'm setting dates. October this year, that's the current plan. I'm doing this.