kaia

I love finally being able to sit down and write an entry, after going over all I need to write about in my head for days, and completely forgetting the majority of it, so I guess it will be whatever comes to mind.

I want to wander.

I'm afraid though, and as much as I would love to leave everything I know behind and wander the world, I'm not fool enough or brave enough to attempt it. At least not yet. That wouldn't be a bad life -- just going wherever I feel like going and living from one day to the next. Some people settle down and are completely happy in that. Take my coworker, Kelly, for instance. She is 32 now and so much in love with her kids. Not to say life is always easy on her, but even if she could do it a different way she wouldn't want to. She wants to be there at home to take care of them, and that is amazing for her. She found where she wants to be in life, but not even wants that. I think of my future and I don't see myself settling down. That doesn't mean I never will, because people change as they age, but I want that adventure before I can even consider it. As much as I'd like to think that I don't someday want someone to be with, I know very well I do. Even now, I know it is something I want and there is even someone that could possibly be that person, but at the same time, I think there is more I need to do on my own first of all. I've said that before and ruined a friendship over not being ready for it, and I don't want to make that same mistake. Not this time, not with him. His friendship is more important. Plus, it would be much too forward to think he'd travel the world with me. Part of me also thinks that if he wouldn't, he isn't "the one." Or whatever you would call it.

I think of all the people I could meet and friends I could make all over the world when I do travel, and that is the best motivation. There is this YouTube video of this guy that traveled the world and danced in random places everywhere. After the first one, he made a new one and invited people to come dance with him. The video is here. When I have a bad day, I watch this video and I'm instantly reminded that the world is a crazy, beautiful place filled with some of the most amazing people. Sure, not everyone is good, but there are so many people out there that are. All of us have obstacles we have to overcome and all of us go through struggles. I feel so connected watching that.

None of this is immediate, of course. I do still want to finish my degree and there is money involved that I don't exactly have, but the point is I've started really thinking about it and preparing for it. This is what I've wanted to do since the beginning. When I was younger and still in middle school, I remember telling my best friend at the time that I wanted to become a missionary, so I could travel around the world. The religious part wasn't something I cared for, even then, but I could travel and that's all I wanted. I don't want to be a missionary now, by any means, but all of this lately has reminded me of that moment when I was so sure that's what I wanted to do. The religious aspect of it now doesn't interest me. I'm very much of the mind people need to discover what they do, or do not, believe completely on their own.

I'm looking so forward to yoga on a beach somewhere absolutely amazing.