The night will try to tempt you, but the day will come.

[kaia]

I've never been much of a planner. For most of my life, I've liked pretending the future was some far off, magical thing that I would one day find by pure luck. For instance, when I first signed up for classes at my community college and was asked to determine a major I sat there at a loss. "What do you MEAN major?" I remember myself thinking and I had no idea what to say. Everyone around me did, though. So, I boldly went up and said pre-med. The reason is the best part. I said pre-med because I was obsessed with Grey's Anatomy and somewhere in my mind I was thinking about how if I become a doctor maybe I'll find my own Derek. Weird reason, go with me on this. Of course, I found out how much I hated Anatomy and Physiology and actually really don't like sick people, so that was thrown out the window. I also found out I don't even want a Derek (or anyone anytime soon), so that slightly delusional dream was also thrown out the window.

As I was saying though, I don't plan, and then I wonder why I feel like I'm not moving. You have to have something to move toward in order to move, even something small. I applied to my new university on a whim, and it has worked out, but I also wondered why I still felt like I wasn't moving. Here I was, at University finally, and not feeling very happy. It felt just like my community college. And I felt trapped. Sometimes I still feel trapped.

I've never known life without school. Sure, I've had summers but ever since I was five years old I've been in school. College was never a question, and so I signed up for my community college right away. This is the same reason I'm even considering grad school next year. I don't know what to do if I'm not in school. I don't even LIKE school anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love learning and I love hanging out with my classmates, but the pressure of tests, papers, presentations, etc and then walking out of a class not being able to tell you anything I learned? That's not learning. I don't know what that is, but aren't you supposed to have been taught something? That isn't every class I've ever taken, but the vast majority of them.

This is why if I go to grad school, I'm going to make sure it is something that I definitely want to do. And probably abroad. Actually, no probably. If I go to grad school, it will be abroad. It is well time that I pop the bubble I surround myself with and get out in the world.

So, I thought about what is most important to me as of right now. What do I want to accomplish? What do I want to focus on? And I narrowed it down to three. They're not the only things I want to do, but they're the ones that impact everything else; yoga, travel, and graduate. I'm keeping it simple.

I want that groundedness I gain from yoga, that calm. I want to keep improving in my practices and gain the strength to go more poses and gain that control over my body.

I want to travel the world, both near and far. I've started saving money. I used to randomly go to Wal-Mart and buy $20, $30 of things I don't need and while not that much money, if I stop doing that that adds up. I've cut back on drinking, because for as much as I love it, I also have been getting dangerously close to drinking way too much way too often.

I want to graduate. Like I said, grad school is up in the air, but I want to finish what I started. I believe education is important, and I do want my Bachelor's degree.

These are the things I'm going to focus on, and perhaps I'll feel like I'm moving again.

Comments

[ragnarok-08.livejournal.com]

"I want to travel the world, both near and far."

This applies to me so much :D

[duskyn.livejournal.com]

Hopefully we'll both get to one day. :D

[night-owl-9.livejournal.com]

Go for your dreams, dear! ♥

[duskyn.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I will. :D

[herwrittenword.livejournal.com]

Having a plan is always a good way of keeping yourself on track. I've been in school my whole life as well, so I'd be totally lost without some sort of "purpose" even for just a moment.

I feel like people learn *so* much when they travel. I know I did, at least. I think that would be great if you could go to grad school abroad.

I've found that, while school contributes a lot to ones development, life experience is where it's at. ;)

[duskyn.livejournal.com]

That's how I feel. What do I DO when I'm not in school anymore? It'll be freeing, definitely, knowing that I won't have to write another paper or take another test for a class again unless I choose to, but it is kind of scary too.

Grad school abroad would be such a learning experience for me, no matter where I choose to study abroad. I don't know much about life outside of here, at least not from experience. I can read about it, but that isn't the same as being there.

Yeah, you can only learn so much in a classroom, everything else you have to go out and see.

[princesssisi87.livejournal.com]

I've been told on numerous occasions I should try yoga. My impatience and short fuse, apparently, can be cured. Needless to say, I'm rather sceptical. It just seems so...I can't think of an appropriate term. How long have you been doing yoga?

[duskyn.livejournal.com]

I started about two years ago, but I haven't practiced all of those two years. It is only now I'm getting to where I'm doing it on a daily basis, rather than just 1-2 times a week. I know for me, it has helped me be calmer and just feel better overall. I can feel it now, when I go a while without doing any, because my body gets stiff and I tend to get irritated more easily.

[princesssisi87.livejournal.com]

It's good to know it's helped you..

[softy5310.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you've got a good plan in place for how to accomplish your goals. That's awesome!!

[duskyn.livejournal.com]

Thanks!