I won't forget the things you said, they're dancing and singing inside my head.

[kaia]

I pictured this summer much differently than it turned out. I had all these big plans after I graduated. I was going to go hiking at least once a week. I was going to go to the city every weekend I could. I was going to actually get fit and not sit around. I wasn't to go 3 days without leaving the house. I was going to change into that person I always saw myself after graduating. Somehow, life would just suddenly make sense.

It doesn't. It doesn't even feel like it should almost be September. I'm still stuck somewhere in May.

There was such a surreal feeling, driving by the university on my way to work the first day of classes and knowing I wasn't going there. I'd be lying if I said a part of me wasn't slightly jealous of the people there. Only slightly though. I could always hide behind the fact I still had however many years/months left of school. I could hide that I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life even after however many years of college. Of course, I wouldn't trade this feeling of knowing summer vacation is pretty much eternal for me now. I guess that's the joy of working while going to school, not having both makes it always feel like vacation. It's just, hiding is easier. Dreaming about all the places you'll go and all the things you'll do is actually easier than doing them.

When I was younger, I always thought I'd have to all figured out by now. I went to college because I didn't even realize there was any other option. That isn't to say I regret college in any way, it was just never a choice for me. It was more of a natural progression. My parents talked about college from such a young age. To me, it was normal. Even now, having a college degree doesn't feel like anything. I know it is a big accomplishment, but it just didn't feel like it for me. I don't even know if I want a job even related to Biology anymore. Actually, I don't know if I ever did. I don't know what I want a job in. At 25, you'd think I'd have half a clue.

I think about all the things I'm good at and all the things I enjoy, but none of it sticks. I play tons of video games, but I have no interest in designing them. Talking about them, sure. I wouldn't even know where to begin making a career out of that though. I like writing, but I wouldn't consider myself very good. It is something I've always done for myself. I like interacting with people, but get distant and somewhat surly when I have to spend days on end dealing with people.

The only certainty I have is I can't stay here, how and where I am. The past month has proved that to me more than ever. I see the annoyance at the drama at work and the glimpses into a corporate world I'm more than happy to leave behind me. The drunken nights that used to bring temporary happiness no longer do. I just end up wishing I hadn't even started drinking at all. The days I feel alive are the ones that inspire me; days like the Pride Parade, going to the Renaissance Faire, spending a weekend wandering around Chicago, sharing a drink while reconnecting with an old friend, and the views I see while hiking. Maybe that's why I've been so irritable lately, I haven't had any of those days since last month. At least next Saturday I'm going to the Renaissance Faire for closing weekend and my cousin's wedding is little over a month away. After that, it's a little over a month until my trip. It's a little over a month until I'm free.

Comments

[mcgoggins.livejournal.com]

My senior synthesis professor in college told us that we should take one week off for every year we had been in school. Kindergarten on up. That equates to roughly 4 months. And while I wasn't allowed to take that break, I think it's a brilliant idea.

I get that for people who don't have work lined up when they graduate, it's a mad scramble to find something to pay bills or afford them a lifestyle they would prefer to have. The way I saw it, I was my own person and did my own thing during the summers of my college years, what would one more "lazy summer" hurt? Instead of going back to classes in September, it would be looking for work. No one says you can't look for a job or career while taking that break, but to stress over it and not allow yourself to do whatever you like for a few months is starting in on the real world a little too quickly.

[sekai-kitai.livejournal.com]

I always wondered if I had done things a bit differently right after college and maybe during my final year, if I'd feel better about it all. Sometimes, I wish I had taken a longer break afterwards to think clearly about what I really wanted out of life. Only after a good 2 years did I figure it out.

Getting back into the things you loved and enjoyed will help make things easier. Things will fall into place when you least expect it.

[starrbeam.livejournal.com]

the summer has gone by way too quickly here too. i am excited for fall though. but not winter so much lol.

[marence.livejournal.com]

I wish I could give you some good Mama Mary advice, but, hey, I'm twice as old as still only have half a clue. So I'll give you the only advice I can:
Just keep stumbling thru life until you find a passion, then follow it. Maybe it'll be The Thing; if not, you have good stories for later in life.

[magic-treehouse.livejournal.com]

At least you know what you don't want to do, and sometimes that's half of the battle.

[ragnarok-08.livejournal.com]

Summer has gone by way too quickly :/

I'm excited for the fall, though. At least you know why you don't want to do.

[night-owl-9.livejournal.com]

This summer went by really quickly, I must admit. I'm looking forward to fall - nice pumpkin spice latte and sweater weather :)

I don't really have many plans for what I'm going to do after I graduate. The question "What are your plans after college?" has been sneaking up on me more and more frequently. I may go to grad school and learn more stuff to become a teacher. I may make a career out of acting/writing/teaching and study some more. I may look for a job to get by while trying to make said career. I may move. I'm not sure as of now. Hopefully things will be more certain.

I agree - I'm sure this trip will show and teach you so much.

[siirius.livejournal.com]

I'll be 27 in 6 weeks and I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life either. I graduated from college with a diploma in Advertising, but I've never worked in it. I've only done a 6 month internship in 2011-2012, and I'd graduated in 2008. I now feel like I've been out of it for so long, nobody will hire me. And do I even want to do that?

Growing up is confusing!

[passionrlsusall.livejournal.com]

It's better not to be disappointed that your summer didn't live up to all those grand ideals you had for it, as I've had that mentality much before, and it just ruins being glad for those great moments you did have, and ALWAYS WANTING MORE.

I used to feel so much like you are. I guess I can just say...I feel differently now. Not drastically, not content with everything by any means, but glad for where I have gotten myself too, physically being away from the Chicago burbs where I didn't feel I belonged, and mentally in many ways too, and especially glad for all the things I've done and places I've traveled and jobs I've taken since college.

Attempt not to look too far ahead or too far behind, I say, and hone in on what you like about what you're doing, have just done, and are about to do.

Also, I don't know if I've talked about this in my own journal yet since I havent posted in forever..I don't think I have...but I'm probably going to Asia too this winter. To Brunei on the Island of Borneo first, and then to other portions of SE Asia.