I'm not ready to lose everything I know I'm letting go of.

[kaia]

One of the things I had hoped to figure out on my trip was wtf I am going to do with my life.

For the record, I still have no idea. I probably never will.

I don't know if I'm just expecting too much, but I really want to find a career that I just love, that I'm passionate about. I want to feel like I'm doing something worthwhile, rather than just making money. Like that quote up there says, I want a life I don't need a vacation from. Maybe that's impossible.

People like to joke to me about my trip. "Well, you did just get home from a five month vacation." The thing is, it wasn't a vacation to me. It was just me, living. It wasn't about going to see the sights, though many of them were quite impressive. It was about finding enjoyment in even the smallest moments. Honestly, some of my happiest moments were just sitting at a cafe with whoever I happened to have met that day. The grind for money, all the drama that life brings, none of it mattered. Life being at it's simplest was when I was happiest.

The next adventure is South America, without a doubt. This time it isn't a question of can I do it, or will I do it. It is just a matter of when.

I don't want to be waiting to live again until then though. I want to feel alive while I'm here too. It is amazing how simple life seemed when I wasn't home, and how difficult it can feel while here. It isn't to say that I'm unhappy currently, but there is this severe boredom that sets in every few days.

I'm hoping when all the summer festivities get into full swing it disappears entirely. 

Comments

[lostii.livejournal.com]

I honestly feel like I could've written this because I know exactly where you are coming from.

[night-owl-9.livejournal.com]

I identify with this so much. I really admire that you were able to take joy in the simplest of things on your trip. Doing that is something that's lost on a lot of people, myself included.

I have a semblance of an inkling of an idea of what I want to do with my life: to work as an actor in professional theatre and to be an editor of a literary journal. Neither of these might happen. I'm going to try to go in the direction of those careers, however idiotic it may sound. All I can do, I guess, is to live in the moment.

[ragnarok-08.livejournal.com]

I understand how you feel - so much; I'm really glad that you were able to enjoy the simplest parts of your trip :)

[sestra.livejournal.com]

It's not impossible at all. I hope you find something you're passionate about that'll make you excited to get out of bed every day :)

[shedeliberates.livejournal.com]

Life is about the journey. I think your twenties are for figuring things out. Even beyond that sometimes. Society just puts that pressure to do things in a timeline: high school, college, real job, marriage, kids etc. But the reality is life isn't that way and everyone is different. I say follow your heart :)

[saturnsdaughter.livejournal.com]

This is exactly where I'm at right now. Stuck at a job that keeps money in my bank account but ultimately leaves me unfulfilled. I want to get up every day and feel like what I'm doing actually matters in the grand scheme of things. But I have no idea what that could be yet.