I'm not ready to lose everything I know I'm letting go of.

[kaia]

One of the things I had hoped to figure out on my trip was wtf I am going to do with my life.

For the record, I still have no idea. I probably never will.

I don't know if I'm just expecting too much, but I really want to find a career that I just love, that I'm passionate about. I want to feel like I'm doing something worthwhile, rather than just making money. Like that quote up there says, I want a life I don't need a vacation from. Maybe that's impossible.

People like to joke to me about my trip. "Well, you did just get home from a five month vacation." The thing is, it wasn't a vacation to me. It was just me, living. It wasn't about going to see the sights, though many of them were quite impressive. It was about finding enjoyment in even the smallest moments. Honestly, some of my happiest moments were just sitting at a cafe with whoever I happened to have met that day. The grind for money, all the drama that life brings, none of it mattered. Life being at it's simplest was when I was happiest.

The next adventure is South America, without a doubt. This time it isn't a question of can I do it, or will I do it. It is just a matter of when.

I don't want to be waiting to live again until then though. I want to feel alive while I'm here too. It is amazing how simple life seemed when I wasn't home, and how difficult it can feel while here. It isn't to say that I'm unhappy currently, but there is this severe boredom that sets in every few days.

I'm hoping when all the summer festivities get into full swing it disappears entirely. 

Comments

[nadirri.livejournal.com]

An actor or/and an editor sound like amazing, fulfilling and meaningful careers. Nothing idiotic about them at all. I am kinda jealous that you have a direction.
I personally don't even have the slightest hint of a direction. And i have pretty much no hope that i ever will.

[duskyn.livejournal.com]

I kind of feel the same way. I don't know if I'll ever know where I'm going, and there are times I wonder if I'm just happier that way anyway.

[nadirri.livejournal.com]

That's an interesting thought. That there is something about wandering aimlessly and cluelessly.

[night-owl-9.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I really appreciate that I don't know...for some reason both careers sound like pipe dreams whenever I think about them. Doesn't mean they're not worth going for :)