The sky is full of dreams, but you don't know how to fly.

Semi-friends only. Read below. Otherwise known as all you can ever want to know about being my internet stalker!
Jk, jk.
( I know this place. )
Today was my day at Chicago Comic Con. Pictures will come in time, but there are a moment I wasn't expecting to occur that I really want to talk about. This might be one of the few posts that has anything to do with any type of fandom.
To begin the story, it needs to go back with my relationship with Doctor Who. I watched it on and off for years, but never really got into it until Matt Smith became the Doctor. I was hooked from episode one, and made sure to watch it every week. At least, I did for the first two seasons with him. Once the 3rd aired, I never got around to watching it. I always meant to, but part of my was very happy to keep it as it was. Even now, the 11th Doctor feels like an old friend I could revisit if I needed. If times got rough enough, I would lose myself in a Doctor Who marathon of those two seasons, but I never needed to see the end of his time as the Doctor. Maybe, one day I will.
The moment that stays with me the most out of all of those episodes was the first episode with Craig and Sophie. The Doctor interrupts the home date the two are having, and gets to talking to Sophie. He asks her "What do you really want to do?" after she talks about her dislike of the schedule of work-weekend most people seem to follow. She says she wants to look after animals, and he asks her what is stopping her. Fear is one of the answers, and the conversation that followed has never left me.
"Well, perhaps that's you then. Perhaps you'll just have to stay here, secure and little bit miserable until the day you drop. Better than trying and failing, eh?"
"You think I'd fail?"
"Oh, everybody's got dreams, Sophie. Very few are going to achieve them, so why pretend? Perhaps, in the whole wide universe, a cell center is where you should be."
"Why are you saying that? That's horrible."
"Is it true?"
"Of course it's not true. I'm not staying in a call center my whole life. I can do anything I want."
And he just smiled back at her, with a look saying of course you can. As she justified her reasons for staying, so did I. The only difference I had was that I didn't have a reason to keep me there, other than fear. As she realized she could do anything she could want, so did I. As she fought against the thought staying in a place she wasn't completely happy in, so did I.
I promise this all connects to today. I wanted to walk by the autograph area at Comic Con. There was no way I was paying $200+ for an autograph from anyone, and I don't really have any interest in that anyway. There is nothing wrong with it, of course, but I would much rather prefer having a conversation over a beer than an autograph at a convention. I don't get a good feel for a person until I've sat there and had a conversation, and that is what I would love. That said, I know I won't ever get that chance. I caught a glimpse of David Boreanaz, James Marsters, Katie Cassidy, and Norman Reedus on our walkthrough. I was more than content with just being able to see them smile at whichever fan was in front of them at the time. I couldn't help but smile as I watched Sebastian Stan hug his fans. He really did have a sweetness to him.
Matt Smith and Karen Gillan were the two most people came to see. Hours before Matt was even there, the line was ridiculous. I wanted to do one last walk through that area, just to see if I could catch a glimpse of him. I didn't really know why, since I really hadn't watched Doctor Who in at least a year. Bragging rights was what my brain was saying.
"We aren't going to get anywhere near him." my sister said. We rounded a corner, and there he was at the table. I saw his smile, and I knew why something told me to walk by and it had nothing to do with bragging rights. That moment of watching that conversation for the first time came back to me, and while it wasn't the reason I was able to muster the courage follow my dream of travelling half way across the world, it was one of the catalysts that led to me getting on that plane.
In that moment I saw him smiling at another fan, I said a silent thank you to him for that moment. The moment I saw his smile in person, I knew it. That's all I needed. I didn't need to meet him. Though, I'm sure he would be a very charming and interesting person to meet. Just being able to have that silent moment, with him completely unaware, and being able to appreciate the impact a moment of his acting had had on me was enough.
I was going to post something, then I got lazy.
Doing a lot of reading here, and I finally made a Goodreads account. Add me, so I can see all the awesome stuff you guys are reading and get ideas on what to read next.
Loving Borneo, and a real post will be inc sometime. For having seen Captain America in the theater three times here and mostly sitting around in parks/eating, quite a bit has happened. Some of it I think I'm still processing.
I knew this trip would make me grateful for what I have, but I had no idea I would realize just how free I really am, and have been my entire life.
Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.
I think I just need to get the past few days out, and let them be what they were. I'm not proud, but nor can I change them. This will be long, and perhaps brutally honest.
I also am seriously considering giving up alcohol completely, but that part of the story will come.
It all started on the day I arrived in Kuala Lumpur. It was a rainy Tuesday, and I was rather glad to be back in a big city.
I should have known the moment I was almost bitten by a monkey on a motorcycle in Chinatown not even 2 hours after arriving that this city would not be a place easily forgotten. I do not yet know if that is a good or bad thing.
Without that monkey, I would have never met the English girl who has been at my side for most of this. We'll call her Rebecca. None of this would have happened had I just walked down a different street, or been wandering there even seconds later.
That night we ended up at an Irish pub. The only drinks we paid for were the first two beers, and the rest of the cocktails were on the house.
I'm grateful I have a high tolerance for alcohol, as the drinks just got stronger as the night went on. I am grateful I do know what my limits are, or that night would have ended in a much different way.
There is a thrill in dancing with complete strangers in a city you've just arrived in and in not knowing how to get back to your hostel. I would be lying if I said I didn't like being told I was curvy and sexy by some American men, that there wasn't a part of me that reveled in the attention.
I did not enjoy being kissed by two different men, or that the bartender had to step in when I wanted to leave though. I did not enjoy drunkenly stumbling through the streets alone, because my new friend was too entranced by the local guy she disappeared with.
I saw a girl I never wanted to see again, and she was me.
One of the American men said to me, as we were dancing, "You have to let me lead. Trust me."
"I have a hard time giving up control." I joked. After that night, I hope that will always be true.
The hangover the next day was well deserved, but the story doesn't end with that.
Rebecca messages me the next morning, having not gotten back to her hotel until 5:30am and with her local friend in tow. The details of that night didn't start coming out until today actually.
That night, he invites himself and his friend to join us at the place called the City of Lights. I didn't like it, and our taxi driver could definitely tell. I bit my tongue though, because it isn't really my place to judge. They take us to dinner, and pay. This drives me insane. I hate being paid for, especially when it isn't a date.
Long story short, we end up at a night club. I was very clear that I was not drinking, and she had said she was not either until he handed her free drinks. He tried really hard to get me to have one, but I refused. I left not long after that, and once again found myself walking the city streets after midnight, alone. This time though, I was well aware of my surroundings and despite being told it was dangerous, I made it.
And you know what? I had four people stop me on my way back, only wanting to make sure I was okay. The stares I get here may drive me insane, but the Malaysian people are some of the nicest I have ever met.
I'm trying so hard not to judge, but if you spend almost every night with this guy, he buys you everything, takes you everywhere while you have a guy at home, just no.
I don't dislike her, and I don't dislike him. I get it, in some ways. She likes being looked after, and that in itself is not bad. I have heard him talk about why he prefers Western women, and I respect that. It just frustrates me that she wonders why he wants to introduce her to his mom, why he called off work to spend the day with her.
She said to me today, "Just wait until this happens to you!" as if she is a victim somehow, and not just leading him on. Part of me wanted to retort that I wouldn't let myself get into that situation, but it sounded mean.
I stopped hanging out with her when he is there. He isn't a bad guy, its just hard to watch and I don't do well as a third wheel, though he especially seems to try to make sure I'm not. Sometimes, it is just better to avoid the things you don't like.
Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.
First off, I love Malaysia. I'm glad I saved it for last, because now it does feel like a vacation. People aren't trying to rip me off everywhere, food is amazing, the buses are fantastic, and most of the people are rally friendly. Not the fake friendly either, legitimately friendly.
Though, I did have an experience yesterday that taught me something about myself.
I'm currently in the Cameron Highlands, and supposedly the local bus was broken for part of the day yesterday. Rather than take a taxi, I decided to walk the 5km because I like walking, and that isn't very far.
I'm walking along, taking pictures and just enjoying the scenery when I hear someone behind me. I think nothing of it, and just ignore the guy as he walks by. That is, until I notice he is walking much slower than before and keeps looking back at me.
At that point, I figured he was either trying to steal something or was concerned I was walking alone, since you don't really see people alone here. He pauses, so I walk past him. Behind me, I hear him muttering to himself.
The normal reaction at that point was probably fear, but I wasn't afraid. I was just getting angry.
I turn to go up a hill to a strawberry farm, and to see if he follows or continues on. He continued on, but I decided to walk further up the hill for a while to get a good distance from him. I could see him constantly turning to look back, but he was gone when I came back down the hill.
I keep walking back on the main road for a while, and farther down there he is, sitting by a tree.
I'm pissed at that point. I just want to walk in peace, so I ignore him and keep walking. He immediately gets up and follows. I turn around, and look right at him.
"What do you want?" I ask. He kind of stares for a minute, and mumbles to himself again.
"I really like you." He finally says, followed by "Do you have a husband?"
Not what I was expecting.
"Yes." I lie. It's easier.
"Does it bother you I really like you?"
"Uhh, I guess not." What do you even say to that?
He just kept repeating it as we walked, and I eventually just told him that's too bad, and that no, I don't want drinks. I ducked into a store to buy a strawberry tart, and he disappeared.
Walking to the strawberry farm I actually wanted to go to, I saw him at the bus stop. He watched me as I walked by, but that time he didn't follow.
I hadn't realized how self sufficient I had become until that moment. There was no fear at all, I trusted myself completely. I didn't think he would actually do anything to hurt me, but I was ready if he tried. I always wanted to think I could take care of myself, and in that moment, I knew I could.
I reached that point of "travel burnout." Planning the trip, I never thought it would happen to me. Travel blogs talk about it, but somehow I thought I was immune .
Yeah, no.
Who knows, maybe it was the annoyance of getting to Krabi Town after an overnight train or the different feel of Bangkok, but I was not happy to be back in Thailand. Everywhere it felt like people were trying to rip me off, or scam me in someway. At least in Vietnam they were open about it, and you didn't sit 4 hours in a town being herded into different restaurants.
I was so ready just to hop back on the train and roll into Malaysia, but the Thai islands were so close. I had to go to one, so here I am on Koh Lanta.
This is where I realized I'm not much of a beach person. I like them, and think they're pretty but I can't sit all day at the beach.
What Koh Lanta has been for me is a place to collect my thoughts. I did the beach thing, but I'm enjoying laying here in my air conditioned room much more, even if the walls are black.
Sometimes, I need a few days just to sit around, chat with my best friends, play mobile games, and watch YouTube. And that's okay. It's okay to not constantly be in motion, as I have been for a long time now.
I feel more ready for Malaysia now, so this 4 day pause has been worth it.
I think I left part of my heart in Vietnam. I almost cried on the plane.
I don't know if it is the post transit-blues, or that I said goodbye not only to an amazing country but also my two closest friends on the road today, but I'm tired.
Coming back to Bangkok has not been what I expected. The city feels different, or maybe it is me who is different. I'm sitting at the same hostel and it just feels off.
I certainly wasn't expecting the major protests lines as I left the sky train, or the overturned cars near Democracy Monument, or the camps of army officers along the streets, or being told to avoid the entire mall area.
None of that is what bothered me though. I knew the protests had gotten worse, and I'm in no danger. It was walking down Khao San Road (the backpacker road) and the feeling of disgust coming over me, which surprises me because I didn't mind it before. I couldn't get out fast enough, and without the coconut ice cream I had walked there for. I'm not exactly sure why.
I think travel cured me of my drinking problem.
I might be in Malaysia sooner than I thought.